Why?
Death has a stigma and the burden of grief can hold us captive if we let it. May this be a process through which a loved one can be remembered and through which memories can be re-lived. Even though the pain of the loss may remain, may this go some way in relieving the hurt and the stigma of death and act as a public declaration that death has lost its sting.
How?
I ask each participant to find a photograph of themselves with their lost loved one.
We then return to the location of the original photograph to replicate the image.
It is a chance to think back and remember, to tell the story of that day and of the person that they have lost. Imagery allows for expression beyond what we can speak of. I hope it is an experience that contributes to the restorative process in overcoming the painful impact of loss.
We all have a different experience of loss that can reveal itself in many ways. Sometimes it’s a response that is quite clear for those around you to see. Perhaps there are lots of emotions that you just don’t know how to let out, you’re not sure how you should be feeling or whether it’s right to be having certain angry or complicated thoughts.
It's not about having the best photo, saying the right thing or having the answers, I just want to give you a chance to speak about your experience of loss.
My aim is that the combination of the photos we take and the conversations we have, we will be able to portray a deep personal story that can be hosted on the project website. This allows other people who are struggling and going through similar experiences to look through and find strength and comfort in your story, knowing that other people have been through it and are confident enough to share their story.
Loss is a complicated process, so once we’ve begun, if at any point you don’t feel able to continue, that’s fine, there’s no expectation on you as a participant to take part beyond what you feel comfortable with.
"I hope others can see Loved&Lost as a conversation starter or a forum to talk about things that people don't want to talk about, because actually, if we talked about it, it might be easier to cope with afterwards." - Will
Participate
The Loved&Lost project is designed to help you engage with your loss, regardless of what it looks like. Having experienced loss myself, I began this project to help others approach their grief and use photography to respond to how we are feeling.
I have put together this simple participation guide for you to use, to allow you to take part in the project yourself. You can then submit your story to be featured on the Loved&Lost blog if you’d like.
Find a photograph of yourself with a lost loved one. Take your time to look through the images, and allow yourself to recall memories from those occasions. This might be an enjoyable thing to do with family and friends.
Ask someone if they will go with you to return to the location of the original photograph.
Return to the location to replicate the original photograph with your camera or phone. This might be a positive way to mark a particular anniversary or occasion. Take your time to remember the day that the original photograph was taken. Acknowledge the sights, sounds, smells and textures of the place. What is the same? What has changed?
You can also take other photographs of the location and of each other.
Once you’ve taken the photographs, find somewhere to sit and talk together, preferably somewhere warm with a drink, a piece of cake or over a meal. Give yourselves time and permission to talk about the day, the experience of going back, share memories and recall your favourite things about the person who is no longer with you. What might they have wanted to talk about? Would they have chosen the same meal as you?
Again, take your time, it is a chance to think back and remember, for you to tell your favourite stories of the person that you have lost and dedicate some space to remembering how special they were.
Afterwards, you might want to write down some of the things that you talked about. If you’d like to, you can share the project on social media and tag Loved&Lost Project.
It’s important that you take your time and return to the location when it feels right. If you change your mind, don’t feel up to it, or it takes a long time to arrange, that’s fine. My hope is that the process will bring back happy memories and the experience of returning to a special place will be comforting and positive. It’s also good to talk, and this is a way to make space to share with those closest to you.
About me
My name is Simon Bray. I'm a photographer based in Manchester. I lost my father to prostate cancer in December 2009. When my dad died, it wounded me in the deepest part of my being. The loss shaped the following few years of my life and will continue to do so, but I don’t have to let it define who I am. Through this time, it was really helpful to be able to talk about my Dad. I wanted to share with others about the person he was, the emotions I was feeling as I processed the grief, and talk about the influence he had - and continues to have - on my life. Those conversations were often hard and few and far between, mainly because people just didn't quite know how to respond.
This project provides a platform, allowing others to acknowledge their loss, to celebrate the person they love and to show that the loss that they’ve experienced does not have control over who they are.
Keep in touch with the project on Twitter and Facebook for updates on new stories and the latest news.